These days all we hear about is online dating, why it’s so tough and how people would rather communicate via social media or through texting. It seems like this lack of communication or maybe over-communication depending on how you look at it may actually be causing more harm than good. To truly make a relationship work, both partners need to understand each other’s love language which was a term coined by author Dr. Gary Chapman in his eponymous non-fiction book The Five Languages of Love. While this book came out in the mid-1990s it is still one of the most talked about books In terms of romantic communication and how there are five distinct ways in which people display their love which tells their partner how they want to be loved.
Words of Affirmation
This style of love is characterized by words which you may have guessed. If you partner verbally compliments you a lot then this is most likely their style. It also means that this is the style in which they would like to be loved which means if it is not your style you may need to give it a try.
Acts of Service
Some of us hate doing the dishes or cleaning and when a partner does them knowing it will make users happy this is what Chapman means by an ‘act of service.’ Instead of using words your partner shows their love via their positive actions. If something is done out of spite or with negative connotations then this is not a love language.
This differs from acts of service in that it is not an action but physically giving an item to their partner. It could be a bottle of their favorite wine or simply a flower that they picked in a meadow that they know you like. It is the act of selecting something and then gifting it because they know you will like it. Some people need to be given tokens of love to know that they are held in someone’s affections.
This one is interesting in that it means both partners must disconnect from everyone around them and simply focus on being with one another. The partner who has this love language needs to know that their partner values their time together and is not busy thinking about being somewhere else or with someone else. The time spent together is precious and being the center of attention is what makes them feel loved. This can be a hard one for some people who can’t be away from their phones.
Last but not least is Chapman’s love language that is physical touch. This is for those that are very tactile. Some partner’s need to be constantly being touched or touching in the form of holding hands and even a peck on the cheek or lips. They will only feel secure if they know that their partner is by their side and giving them physical reassurance.
To delve deeper in Chapman’s love languages and look at your own style more thoroughly you should give his book a read!